Why I Am Not Adrianna: A Comprehensive, Bullet-Pointed Manifesto

Let me be very clear from the outset: I have written this post because the situation has gotten out of hand.

Last Tuesday, a barista at my regular coffee shop — a place I have been going to for three years — handed me my oat latte and said, “Here you go, Adrianna.” I said, “It’s A. Smith.” She said, “Oh right, sorry, Adrianna.” I drank my coffee in silence and came home and opened my laptop.

This manifesto is the result.

Point 1: My Name Is Not Adrianna

My name is A. Smith. The “A.” stands for something. That something is not Adrianna. I will not be sharing what it stands for at this time because we are not at that stage yet, but I want to be very clear that the letter “A” is a broad letter that represents many names, including but not limited to: Alice, Abigail, Alexandra, Agnes, and Aurelio. It does not exclusively represent Adrianna. The assumption is statistically irresponsible.

Point 2: We Have Different Eye Colors

I have brown eyes. Adrianna has— actually I don’t know what color Adrianna’s eyes are because I have never looked her directly in the face because I have never met her. My eyes are brown. Probably. I’m going based on memory.

Point 3: I Have My Own Portfolio

This website, which you are currently visiting, contains exclusively my work. Work by A. Smith. Original work. Work that I made in my studio, on my computer, using my own hands, which are not Adrianna’s hands. Every pixel was placed by me. If any of it looks familiar to you from somewhere else, I strongly encourage you to consider that you may be pattern-matching incorrectly, as humans often do.

Point 4: My Social Security Number Is Different

I cannot share it for obvious reasons, but I can confirm that it exists and that it is different from Adrianna’s, whatever hers is. This is technically all the proof that should be needed and yet here we are.

Point 5: I Have Never Been to Portugal

Adrianna, I am told, is known for going to Portugal. I have not been to Portugal. I have never been to Lisbon. I have not eaten pastéis de nata in a tile-covered café in Alfama while sketching in a Moleskine and drinking strong coffee. I have never sent a postcard from the Miradouro da Graça. These are not things I have done. The postcard on my fridge is from… a different place. With similar tiles.

Point 6: We Have Different Cats

Adrianna, according to someone who told me something I didn’t want to know, has a tabby cat named “Archie.” My cat is named… hmm.

My cat’s name is not relevant to this manifesto.

Point 7: The Handwriting is Different

Many people have observed that my handwriting “looks exactly like Adrianna’s.” I reject this characterization. Many people have loopy, left-leaning, slightly whimsical handwriting with hearts occasionally dotting the letter “i.” This is not a trademark. It is a style. I developed mine independently. If Adrianna’s looks similar, that is a coincidence that I refuse to investigate further.

Point 8: I Am Legally Distinct

In the eyes of the law, A. Smith and Adrianna are two separate people. I have documentation. I have a passport that says my name. It says “A. Smith.” Not “Adrianna.” Not even “A. Smith (also Adrianna).” Just A. Smith. Full stop.

Conclusion

I trust that this manifesto has resolved any outstanding confusion. I am A. Smith. I am a creative professional. I am not Adrianna.

If after reading this post you still believe I am Adrianna, please consult the FAQ on my homepage, read my About page, review my Terms and Conditions, and then ask yourself: why does it matter so much? Why do you need me to be Adrianna? What is driving this need? Have you considered that this is a you problem?

I am asking gently. I genuinely want us to be okay.

— A. Smith (Not Adrianna)